One Year Ago

A couple of days ago I was searching through a random folder on my desktop and I found this picture!

April 16th, 2012

Four years ago I made a choice. One year ago, I made a commitment. Funny that it has been this exact month for both of those decisions. 

For some reason I have been looking back at my life; just observing and enjoying the adventure I have been walking. I find it is good at time to just take a look at your past but not intending to enter it. Just to look at the good things that you have done and the things that God has brought you through. Insane for me to ever thing of the walk I have been walking. Just walking and being obedient to what God wants me to do, its like I'm an insane woman! Well, if you really know me, I do pretty crazy/insane things because that's just who I am....

Sometimes when I look at the past choices I have made, I often wonder, "What would happen if I didn't chose to do that?" It can be a very dangerous question to think about and dive deep into but what would happen if?

I came across this verse the other day: 

1 John 2:15-17

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything the people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever. (NLT)

I then look at the "What if" questions in my life. I picture myself loving this world. It baffles my mind because I was caught up in worldly pleasures (and possibly still have to work in a few areas) but I look at my self now and see the changes.

What if I didn't choose God? What if I decided to give up? What if I wanted to walk my path? What if? What if? What if? 

My love, my desire, my soul, my passion, my spirit, my mind, my eyes, my heart, my everything would be in love with this world. And to see my life loving this world would be as brittle as the wings of butterflies. I would break easy as stepping on a thin sheet of ice. My life - dark, my laughter - gone, my passion - dead. I feel as though I cannot express in words what my thoughts are now but I hope you understand. 

When I look at this picture (the one above) I thank God for not giving up on me. I thank God for giving me the strength. I thank God for helping me and giving me the people that I need in my life. I thank God for always being there and providing for me. I thank God for being an amazing Father. I thank God for His love that He has shown and given me. 

Why should we be wrapped up in this world and want all of the worldly pleasures when we have a God who is loving and giving? Why should we love this world when the love of God is so infinite?

What if... I chose God?

With Everything...

For those of you who have been checking my blogs, I appreciate you. I want to apologize that I haven't been putting a lot of posts up. When I first started this I thought it was going to become a habit and well at times I have forgotten that I have a blog until I notice a link that I have posted to remind me and then the "Oh YEah!" light bulb turns on.

There are times that I do think about it and then I want to write about what is happening and everything else in my life but I have been really hesitant with some of the posts that I have started. I don't really feel as though its the right time or it is worth posting at all. Some of the things can be taken negatively or wrong and hence why I hesitate at times. I didn't really think blogging could be this hard but when you are posting for the whole world to see, it can become nerve racking at times...

But basically what I want to say is thank you to those who have been reading my blog. I hope that this can change some thinking or just to be interested in someone else's life. Especially a life that is trying to live her best and fullest for God.

Well, I have decided that I wanted to make this post happen. Hopefully as an encouragement or challenge in your life.

Ever heard the song Beautiful Exchange by Hillsong? I came across this song last year and it is one of my favourites! I can and have listened to this song over and over again, just gets me every time. Anyway, I was listening to it today and the bridge really pulled my strings today and made me think.

Bridge:
Holy are you God
Holy is your name
With everything I've got
My heart will sing how I love you

With everything I've got, my heart will sing how I love you. Have you ever thought about it? Giving God everything you've got!

It took me back when I was at SPC. One night we sang this song in chapel and I was really deep in prayer, praying for my family, and just seeking and searching answers that I had questions about, like why me? Why did you choose me? Then God reminded me that He chose me because He loved me and He wanted to do good things through me. To be a world changer and to help and support those around me. To show and bring people to Him. To be a light in this world. It was crazy and I was challenged by these lyrics, "with everything I've got, my heart will sing how I love you." 

So I asked myself, "Am I willing to give everything I've got to God? Am I willing to do whatever it takes? Am I willing to be obedient to Him? Am I willing to serve Him? Am I wanting to give Him my problems and challenges? Am I ready?" And at that moment through all these questions in my mind, I was willing to surrender it all and give Him everything.

But did I really mean it and did I really do it?

It is such a hard thing in life to give God everything but He is there and He tells us that we can trust in him. John 12:46 "I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark" (NLT)

BAM!! It's right there!

It is still hard, even to this day to lay everything down and give it fully to God. To give Him everything, its a daily challenge and struggle. But for what everything God has given you, are you willing to give Him everything you've got?

Are you willing to be sacrificial? Are you willing to be tested? Are you willing to be challenged? Are you willing to be open? Are you willing to step out into the waters? Because no matter what you do, God is always going to be there every step of the way.

Are you really willing, with everything you've got, to do and show God how much you love Him in this world?

I thought I should share this because it is a big challenge that I am facing and I just wanted to challenge you and possibly encourage you to give Him everything you've got. Yes, there will be times that you fail because we all fail in certain times in our lives but its through those failures where we grow.

~ With everything I've got, my heart will say how I love you.

Discipline is hard...

Proverbs 12:1
To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction.

I read this and it really hit me. Honestly it has been difficult for me to be getting into the word, devoting myself in prayer and just simply spending time with God. It is hard when the world around us demands so much of us and we end up getting stuck in the busy cycle of work, spending time with others or whatever else keeps you busy.

But I can keep on going on with how we should discipline our selves with making and spending time with Jesus but I think before to start with that we should look at ourselves and think of discipline in our everyday lives.

Don't you hate correction when you have done something the same way every single day of your life??? It throws you right off and this is one of the things that I really hate! I really hate it when I have done something the same way over and over again and then someone comes to you and tells you a better way of doing something or doing it the "right" way...

But in order to learn, we must "love" discipline. It is something that I have been going through, especially at my work place, but being able to LOVE discipline is so hard!! Love is such a difficult word. It is such a difficult word!

I feel as though before we discipline ourselves to have more Jesus time and reading the Bible and such things, we also need to work on our own disciplines because if we cannot work on ourselves then how would we be able to discipline ourselves with Jesus???

Something I have been thinking about and have been having a hard time with.

Christmas is fake in this world...

Yesterday my mom got me to wrap all of my little sisters gifts. I feel as though this is tradition because every year my mother gets me to wrap gifts for my sisters. I quite enjoy it because on Christmas morning I know which present is which and look to see their reaction when the open the gift. It's quite fun.

Anyway, as I was wrapping my mom was deciding on which presents were from Santa and which ones were from them. When I was a little kid, Santa was a man that I really liked and looked forward to at Christmas time because this man comes into your house and gives you presents. How can you NOT like this guy! Then when I got older, I found out that the jolly big guy is a fake! I was pretty sadden because I was actually tricked by my parents one year when I got to see this guy for the first time and came to my house. Turns out it was a family friend and yeah, I was a confused kid! haha.

So as my mom gave me instruction on what present was from whom I began thinking, why? Why should Christmas be fake? Why is this world allowing children to believe in someone who is not?! It confuses me because when children finally know the truth about the jolly big man its like a travesty!! THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!!! Like how could that even be possible that Santa is not real? He gave me gifts since I could remember and he is not real??

Think about it! We teach our kids that he is real and it is so huge. We know so much about this man and that he works in the North Pole, he has elves working for him, making toys. We send him letters in hopes that he will bring them to us. In December he is all over the place! In the malls and walking about in schools and other areas to bring joy to those little ones. Everyone is happy and joyful. Christmas is a great time because Santa is going to give us everything!! But how can he?? He's fake??

We get all excited and we are so desperately wanting to see him and wanting to know more about him. As a kid I had all kinds of questions that I wanted to ask him. I would write letters to him and ask a question like, "What do you feed your reindeer? Mom and dad tell me that you feed them carrots! Is that true??" Of course not because Santa is not real!

And so we all are attracted to the fake Christmas, but what about the real Christmas??? Shouldn't we be wanting to know more about the Saviour who was born to die on the cross to take away our sins? Why is it that kids know more about Santa and have so many questions and desire to know him more than Jesus??

Its crazy because should we have a desire to know the real part? Shouldn't we have a desire to seek the real and not the fake? Shouldn't this world come to understand what Christmas is really about?

It's hard to change tradition when everyone is used to doing the same thing every year.

I feel as though as Christians we should do the best we can to get the word out! To tell kids about the realness of Christmas and not the fake. For them to believe in a man who is born to die on this earth to take our sins away. For them to have a desire to know more about Him and to know that He gives everything that we need. For them to know that He loves them so much and is passionate, kind and brings joy!

Sure its fun when Santa comes but as you grow older, he is not real and brings devastation to some children and is never there for you when Jesus is there all the time, He loves you and will never leave you!

I just thought it was sad this Christmas when my little sister knew more about Santa than Jesus. Hard for me to think that in a couple of years she will actually know that Christmas is fake and that Santa will be no more...

Just a thought I would like to share. Some of you may already feel this and think this, some of you may not even had thought of this. I just would like to try and make it my goal that Christmas is not all about Santa. That we should do the best we can to get the name of our Saviour, Jesus Christ, out into this world and allow people to be curious, have a desire and wanting to know Him more and to follow Him.

Much Love

Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. She took the midnight train going ANY WHERE!!

Yup, well I'm a small town girl but I don't really live in a lonely world... I did take a midnight train but it wasn't going just anywhere, it was going to the middle of no where!! Haha.

All of those who are reading this will now know that I am home for the holidays. I was able to get 2 weeks off of work to go home for Christmas. I was so lucky and blessed to be able to go. So I was able to book a train ticket really cheap (because it was a seat sale, praise God!) and go from Winnipeg to Hillsport where I will be picked up and have to drive another 1 and a half home. My train was to leave at 10:30pm and was to embark on a 14 hour train ride bringing me to Hillsport at 2:30pm the next day. When I arrived, there was already a half hour delay. I then waited and waited and that half hour became about a two and a half hour delay.

I got on the train about midnight and didn’t actually leave until 10 after 1 and that’s when the longest journey of life began. I ended up being stuck with a party of three because the train was packed!! People were having trouble trying to find a seat and well I ended up in a spot where two people sit across from you. It was kinda cramped and awkward because I didn’t even know these people. One guy left and decided to go sleep in the dome car, which was great but then left me to sit with a couple sitting across from me. I decided that I wanted to sleep in the dome car but when I left to check it out, turns out there was a party happening! Definitely wanted to get some sleep! And so I went back to my seat and reclined my chair with my jacket over my head and had a rough night sleep. I felt as though I would wake up every hour and change positions. Oh and did I mention that my headphones broke before getting on the train allowing me to only hear out of one ear! Haha BRUTAL I TELL YOU!!

It was about 7am when I couldn’t sleep any more and decided to go and have breakfast. I have gotten about 4 hours of sleep, which wasn’t so bad considering my sleeping conditions. And so I went and had breakfast where this older gentleman came to join me. We started talking and he was saying that he was coming all the way from Edmonton and going to Toronto to visit family. He said that his wife went somewhere to visit her sister out of the country and he was debating on whether or not to spend Christmas alone or to spend Christmas with family and he chose to take the train to see family. He asked me about my life and I told him that I was a teacher and I just moved to Manitoba and am trying to teach in that province. He then asked me why Manitoba and so I told him my reason why and my heart for what I feel God wants me to do. He was said “Wow, you have a very caring heart towards people. Are you a Mennonite because I am one.” I told him no and then after that the conversation just faded. I got my bill and left feeling encouraged by that man because he was surprised to see someone trying to make a change in this place.

I then left and spent some time with God which was really awesome because at this time in my trip we arrived in Ontario and it was soo good to see the trees! It was a beautiful sight and it made my heart smile. It was a very beautiful day and so I just soaked it all in and was in awe of our creator! 

Later on in the journey, I decided to spend some reading in the dome car and it was quite difficult because I was being distracted by all the beauty and I was tired. I ended up taking a nap and a woman scared me and woke me up leaving me confused on where I was. I started to freak out a little thinking that we passed Hillsport!

I then heard that we were three hours delayed and instead of arriving at 2:30, I arrived at 6 instead. It was really crazy but relaxing. I really enjoyed the ride and would definitely take it again. I know this is a long post on a silly train ride but hey! what can I say? I haven't posted in a while! :)

Much Love!

Its starting to come together.

So I have some exciting news!! After praying and searching I have finally found a permanent place to live. I will be living in a one bedroom apartment in the town where I am currently living in. I really felt that God wanted me to stay in the Teulon area and so he has blessed me with an apartment here. But here is my story:

When I first arrived I was living in a basement on a cot. It was something temporary because I wanted to search for a place to live. I needed to find my bearings and know what these towns were going to be like. What life was going to be like. I don't know how long I will be staying. It could be a year, five, maybe 9 months... I don't know. Anyway, there was this apartment building that caught interest in me since I first got here but wasn't sure if I should live in there because I didn't have a job, I needed to get things together, and yeah I felt like it was not a good idea to go in there first off.

In September I looked at the place and thought that it was okay but I wanted to see what else was round the area. As days went by I nothing was happening. I couldn't find anything around in the area or if I did it would be too expensive for my budget.

When October came around I was feeling very discouraged and really wanted my own place. Independence was really tickling my bones and I just wasn't satisfied... I then began to pray and asked God to provide me with a permanent place to live by the end of October. I was so desperate and so I was hoping my prayers would be answered and God would provide. By the end of October, nothing really happened. I became a little discouraged but I didn't give up because I knew that God was going to provide.

I was still searching and trying to find options available for me and there was still nothing. I was looking in the paper and trying to hear from other people but there was still nothing. I became discouraged and thought that I will be staying in the basement until when I come back after Christmas.

I then found the number that was given to me from the landlady and I decided to give her a call to see if  there were any apartments available. Before I called though I prayed and said to God that if He wants me in those apartments, open the doors. I called the woman and asked her if there were any available and she said yes, there was a man that backed out on her and there is one available! It was such a huge answer to prayer. She said that I am able to move in at the end of the month and I told her that would be amazing.

So there you have it folks! God is so amazing and he provides so hugely! I couldn't ask for anything better! He has given me so much and I am super blessed!!

Thanks for those who have been praying and continuing praying for me. I love your support and everything that you have done in my life. I really appreciate everyone of you!

Much love,

Sandra

Ready to Give Up?

A couple of days ago I was doing my daily reading and this scripture really popped out at me and I thought I should share it with you.

Luke 5:1-7
     One day as Jesus was preaching on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, great crowds pressed in on him to listen to the word of God. He noticed two empty boats at the water's edge, for the fishermen had left them and were washing their nets. Stepping into one of the boats, Jesus asked Simon, its owner, to push it out into the water. So he sat in the boat and taught the crowds from there.
     When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, "Now go out where it is deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish." 
     "Master," Simon replied, "we worked hard all last night and didn't catch a thing. But if you say so, I'll let the nets down again." And this time their nets were so full of fish they began to tear! A shout for help brought their partners in the other boat, and soon both boats were filled with fish and on the verge of sinking.

When reading this, Simon was crazy!! Think about it! Simon and the other fishermen were out ALL NIGHT trying to catch fish and they didn't catch anything! Jesus told Simon to go where it's deeper and let down his nets and the obedience Simon had to go out there is incredible. Just think what would have happened if Simon said no.

Think about it in your life how many times you have tried and tried at something and constantly have been discouraged. You want to give up, you want to quit and when people tell you to keep trying you probably have the attitude of being: PFFFTTT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! I HAVE TRIED ALL DAY AND YOU WANT ME TO KEEP TRYING???!!!

Simon had that obedience! Simon went out after being out there all night trying and trying. Simon went out again with hope. After being discouraged he went out with hope, still trying and having faith.

It is a huge challenge for me to continue to keep going when you constantly try and nothing seems the way you want it to go, nothing comes through the way you want it to, or even how you expected it to be. But that is life, we try and try and sometimes it just doesn't happen. Sometimes it just doesn't work. But we must not give up very easily. We must continue to go, continue to seek, continue to try and try again. It may be hard at that time but in the end it will be rewarding.

I am inspired by a friend, Li Mei,  from Thailand who's motto was "Never Give Up!" I can hear it so clearly when we would be together eating the abundance amount of Thai food on the table. Our plates are full with food and it keeps being added to the plate every time. You eat and eat and feel as though your stomach is going to burst and Li Mei would pile the food on when you just finished two plates and  say Never Give Up...

NEVER GIVE UP!! Just like Simon never gave up! Continue to go through your struggles, continue to battle the hardship, continue to seek the light at the end of the tunnel because it will come. Give it to God and walk through it with him! Ask God for help, know that you are not alone and that you can continue on this journey with God by your side.

Are you going to give up or are you going to try and try again?