Home is Ontario

As I sit here, in the booth that was difficult to get when it was exam time, wondering if I should get another cup of coffee with espresso and looking around at the beautiful pictures hung up at my favourite little coffee shop, I begin to remember what things were like 5 years ago when I first entered this place then 6 years ago when I first lived in this city. 

Well may as well grab a second cup cause I'm on vacation! Need to spoil myself sometime as I wait for a friend and feel inspiration to write. The same inspiration I had when I came here to write papers and to get my assignments done. When I needed a new setting and needed to just get further away and get exercise. Needing something different than Starbucks. Yes, I love little coffee/study places and my alone time right now!

Coming back to my "home grounds" is an interesting feeling. Every time I come home I have a weird feeling inside and expect things never change. But as time goes on things do change. When I go back and see the people I left, its like we never left. Just the type of person I am I guess. Whenever I leave or when a friend leaves me, we are still friends! We may not stay in contact as well but when we get together face to face, its like we never left each other. It's one of the things that I love about my friends. They never hold grudges about not staying in contact that well when we are apart. 

Its been 2 years since I have actually visited Thunder Bay. I have come here and there, but hasn't been a time to actually stop and visit again. Coming back and reconnecting after 2 years - a lot has changed. To me it's crazy but at the same time feels right. It feels right for me to just visit. It feels right that I am not meant to be here. It feels right to move on in life and not be stuck in a place where I wanted to be.

When I first moved here - 6 years ago in September I was content and loved Thunder Bay - still do. As the years went by, I was actually feeling content to the point of actually staying in Thunder Bay for the rest of my life. But as I continued, God didn't want me to stay and having the obedience and adventure side I had, I wanted to go. Even though I am horrible with good-byes and get attached easily I knew it was right for me to go and I am glad that I did.

As I sit here in this coffee place, I remember the conversations and the relaxing/inspiration times I would have. As I drive around the city, I remember the memories and the grounds I stomped on. The places I lived, the places I adventured, the places where I had fun. These were the fun, memorable times of my life and looking back to the past allows me to play-back the videos of memories that flood my mind. 

6 years ago, I started a new chapter and finished it within 4 years. I started another chapter and finished that within one year and again started another chapter not too long ago. I don't know when God will finish this new chapter but it makes me realize, when I look back, where He has brought me and am so happy that I took the courage to listen and obey Him. Even when things seemed crazy and scary, I know great things will happen. 

Just like great things happened 6 years ago, 1 year ago and even a week ago! I feel as though when I come back to my "home grounds", I realize things change - myself included, but I also realize where God has brought me. I see the big picture and the lessons through those chapters. I see how God works through me in those chapters and how He has used me. It is an encouragement to me to continue, follow and pursue Him because theres going to be greater and better things to come. The past was what taught me, the future is what is to come and the present is the adventure. 

One hour is only 4% of your day...

I have been trying to live healthier, start running and workout routines. I am doing this "healthy life style" because I want to become healthy not because I want to look beautiful, because I know I am, but my goal is health not beauty.

The challenge that I have with this new lifestyle is that it is difficult to stay consistent. I don't know about you but I don't make New Year Resolutions anymore. I do Month Resolutions. Almost every month I set a goal and try to achieve it but most of the time it never happens. It's rare to see success. For example, I had a goal that for one month I would stop eating meat and eat more vegetables. The first week goes well and then the second week I found meat on my plate (how did that get there?) I tend to get into this habit of stopping things for a while then picking it up the next couple of weeks then stopping then starting up again. Every time I tell myself, "This time is gonna be different, this time you're going to succeed and feel GREAT!" 3 days later, "I'm tired, I'll do it tomorrow..." and it never happens. I just get so busy with other things that this becomes a continuous cycle I hate! I am sure you understand and have gone though similar situations. 

I did a little bit of googling about New Year Resolutions and not surprisingly "Losing Weight" was #1 on the list. What was interesting though was 45% of people usually make New Year's Resolutions and 8% of people are successful in achieving their resolution. Here is something else I found - 75% of people maintained their resolution through the first week. In the past two weeks 71%, past month 64%, and past six months 46%. But then I read an inspirational quote on Pinterest that really grabbed me.

"A one hour workout is 4% of your day. No Excuses!"

OUCH! This really hurt! Why? Try substitute God instead of workout.

"One hour with God is 4% of your day. No Excuses!"

OH-HO-HO BURN!

I always try to make a goal to spend more time with God but then it ends up as a New Month Resolution. There have been moments in my life where I have done well - spending time everyday and creating a routine and lasts for a while but then a busy season comes and everything gets shattered! My routine gets thrown off and I just live life on my own.

One hour with God is 4% of your day. I was really thinking about it this week. 4% is not a whole lot but it feels like it is forever when we spend that hour in the midst of our busy lives. We get caught up being busy that we either don't think of spending time with God or don't want to do it. In my opinion, and don't take offence but, sometimes some of us treat our time with God as a chore more than a relationship - ouch...

At the end of the day we feel so exhausted and just wanna do nothin! We spend our time to relax by reading a book while instead we can read the Word. We spend our time surfing the web when we should be surfing with God. We spend time updating, liking and commenting on other peoples status when we could be waiting for an update from God, liking what He has to say and commenting on His works! (Oh-ho-ho soo corney) I am not trying to make you feel guilty and make you feel as though you "have" to do this but I'm just telling the truth - this is reality. This is what happens in our busy day to day lives - we run the race and when we push too much our body can't handle it then CRASH, we fall!

"Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should." ~ 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (NLT)

Okay Sandra, we get the point. We must run the race and we must discipline ourselves. We must run to win and in order to get there we have to train and discipline and keep our eyes on the prize. Yes! but you do not have to race by yourself.

Think about this - Behind every athlete there is drive, there is strength, there is encouragement, there is discipline... Also behind every athlete there is a coach, there is a trainer, there is family and there is support.  Most of the time we don't realize who is behind every athlete. "Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize?" Everyone runs but that one person, the athlete, gets the prize - just something I see if you catch what I'm saying?

I sometimes think God gives us busy seasons because He wants us to realize that we don't have to go through it alone. I have been really thinking about it because this month has been an insane month for me. Things have been busy, exhausting and stressful at times making my healthy lifestyle and time with God not consistent as the way I feel it should. My goals are out the window and have been living this past month on my own. Feeling guilt of not spending time with God and not making the effort. Creating excuses because I am tired and because I treat it as a chore more than a relationship. I'm spending that 4% of my time to other wasteful things like stinking Facebook! When I look at my busy life, I have that 4% of my time available everyday. The thing is, I'm running this race alone. God wants me to let other people help me and for me to become more dependent when instead I SCREAM of independence. Its a challenge but in order to train and discipline yourself, you also need accountability, mentoring, and support.

As this blog has been a challenge for me to write, it will still be a challenge for me to continue with the lifestyles that I want to have. If you are feeling the same way and are in a similar situation it will still be a challenge for you as well. But I ask myself these questions to search and seek help to change myself (which will hopefully help or make you think).

Is one hour out of your busy lifestyle really going to hurt?

Are you running with purpose in every step?

Do you desire to be one of those 8% who succeeds? Or do you want to be the 25% of people who give up after one week?

Are you going to continue to do this alone or will you let God and others help?

Is your time with God going to be a chore or a working relationship?

Are you ready for change? Easy to say but harder to do. Are you ready to work hard?

It is easier to talk the talk than it is to walk the walk.

Know that when you fall, you always get back up again. Never give up so easily. Get back up and try and try again, its the best thing you can ever do in life.

To learn you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction 
~ Proverbs 12:1

The Broken Generation

A New Generation

This is what excites me. This is a passion. To build a new generation of Christians so that they can become world changers! To help create a next generation into a new generation to glorify God. I see it happening soon. I see great things in the future and amazing stories coming out of it!

But there is something that I am seeing now. I see the broken generation and it has really caught my attention and pulling my heart. I have been teaching in the schools and I see a lot of brokenness in these young faces. I see some searching, some hopeless, some giving up, some unsure and not knowing what to do. I see the struggle, the hurt and the carelessness. It saddens me because I see potential in these young people. I see the potential for them to do great things but they don't see that just yet.

When I walk down the flooded halls, I do see hope in some students but am worried for them because they get easily sucked into the peer pressures. I see the halls as a flood of guinea pigs - testing and trying new things to see if it is good for them or bad. But these guinea pigs are searching and finding the bad things in life in order to be accepted into the world of peer pressure.

It hurts me to see this happen because they KNOW it is bad. They KNOW what these things can do to them but they want to experience it for themselves. They want to prove themselves right and others wrong. They don't see what harm it can do to their future because they are stuck in the NOW.

I see others alienated because they feel as though they are aliens themselves. They are not like others and therefore become rejected and feel alone. Unworthy of living and being the outcast. It pains me to see them because they seek the attention that no one gives them. They seek but they do not receive. Discouraged and uncaring, why bother trying and trying again?

It is this broken generation that I see healed. Ending their search because they have found something they have never seen before - God.

But...

...this is just a dream.
A dream that will one day become something more.
A dream where alcohol, drugs, sex or suicidal thoughts isn't the escape.
A dream to end the search in this world.
A dream come true when they find unconditional love.
A dream that will allow them to feel like they belong.
A dream where they will lift up their hands and thank God with everything they've got!

A dream that will one day become a reality.

Dream big because big things will happen when you follow God.


"When you have a dream you've got to grab it and never let it go."
~ Carol Burnett

One Year Ago

A couple of days ago I was searching through a random folder on my desktop and I found this picture!

April 16th, 2012

Four years ago I made a choice. One year ago, I made a commitment. Funny that it has been this exact month for both of those decisions. 

For some reason I have been looking back at my life; just observing and enjoying the adventure I have been walking. I find it is good at time to just take a look at your past but not intending to enter it. Just to look at the good things that you have done and the things that God has brought you through. Insane for me to ever thing of the walk I have been walking. Just walking and being obedient to what God wants me to do, its like I'm an insane woman! Well, if you really know me, I do pretty crazy/insane things because that's just who I am....

Sometimes when I look at the past choices I have made, I often wonder, "What would happen if I didn't chose to do that?" It can be a very dangerous question to think about and dive deep into but what would happen if?

I came across this verse the other day: 

1 John 2:15-17

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away, along with everything the people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever. (NLT)

I then look at the "What if" questions in my life. I picture myself loving this world. It baffles my mind because I was caught up in worldly pleasures (and possibly still have to work in a few areas) but I look at my self now and see the changes.

What if I didn't choose God? What if I decided to give up? What if I wanted to walk my path? What if? What if? What if? 

My love, my desire, my soul, my passion, my spirit, my mind, my eyes, my heart, my everything would be in love with this world. And to see my life loving this world would be as brittle as the wings of butterflies. I would break easy as stepping on a thin sheet of ice. My life - dark, my laughter - gone, my passion - dead. I feel as though I cannot express in words what my thoughts are now but I hope you understand. 

When I look at this picture (the one above) I thank God for not giving up on me. I thank God for giving me the strength. I thank God for helping me and giving me the people that I need in my life. I thank God for always being there and providing for me. I thank God for being an amazing Father. I thank God for His love that He has shown and given me. 

Why should we be wrapped up in this world and want all of the worldly pleasures when we have a God who is loving and giving? Why should we love this world when the love of God is so infinite?

What if... I chose God?

With Everything...

For those of you who have been checking my blogs, I appreciate you. I want to apologize that I haven't been putting a lot of posts up. When I first started this I thought it was going to become a habit and well at times I have forgotten that I have a blog until I notice a link that I have posted to remind me and then the "Oh YEah!" light bulb turns on.

There are times that I do think about it and then I want to write about what is happening and everything else in my life but I have been really hesitant with some of the posts that I have started. I don't really feel as though its the right time or it is worth posting at all. Some of the things can be taken negatively or wrong and hence why I hesitate at times. I didn't really think blogging could be this hard but when you are posting for the whole world to see, it can become nerve racking at times...

But basically what I want to say is thank you to those who have been reading my blog. I hope that this can change some thinking or just to be interested in someone else's life. Especially a life that is trying to live her best and fullest for God.

Well, I have decided that I wanted to make this post happen. Hopefully as an encouragement or challenge in your life.

Ever heard the song Beautiful Exchange by Hillsong? I came across this song last year and it is one of my favourites! I can and have listened to this song over and over again, just gets me every time. Anyway, I was listening to it today and the bridge really pulled my strings today and made me think.

Bridge:
Holy are you God
Holy is your name
With everything I've got
My heart will sing how I love you

With everything I've got, my heart will sing how I love you. Have you ever thought about it? Giving God everything you've got!

It took me back when I was at SPC. One night we sang this song in chapel and I was really deep in prayer, praying for my family, and just seeking and searching answers that I had questions about, like why me? Why did you choose me? Then God reminded me that He chose me because He loved me and He wanted to do good things through me. To be a world changer and to help and support those around me. To show and bring people to Him. To be a light in this world. It was crazy and I was challenged by these lyrics, "with everything I've got, my heart will sing how I love you." 

So I asked myself, "Am I willing to give everything I've got to God? Am I willing to do whatever it takes? Am I willing to be obedient to Him? Am I willing to serve Him? Am I wanting to give Him my problems and challenges? Am I ready?" And at that moment through all these questions in my mind, I was willing to surrender it all and give Him everything.

But did I really mean it and did I really do it?

It is such a hard thing in life to give God everything but He is there and He tells us that we can trust in him. John 12:46 "I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark" (NLT)

BAM!! It's right there!

It is still hard, even to this day to lay everything down and give it fully to God. To give Him everything, its a daily challenge and struggle. But for what everything God has given you, are you willing to give Him everything you've got?

Are you willing to be sacrificial? Are you willing to be tested? Are you willing to be challenged? Are you willing to be open? Are you willing to step out into the waters? Because no matter what you do, God is always going to be there every step of the way.

Are you really willing, with everything you've got, to do and show God how much you love Him in this world?

I thought I should share this because it is a big challenge that I am facing and I just wanted to challenge you and possibly encourage you to give Him everything you've got. Yes, there will be times that you fail because we all fail in certain times in our lives but its through those failures where we grow.

~ With everything I've got, my heart will say how I love you.

Discipline is hard...

Proverbs 12:1
To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction.

I read this and it really hit me. Honestly it has been difficult for me to be getting into the word, devoting myself in prayer and just simply spending time with God. It is hard when the world around us demands so much of us and we end up getting stuck in the busy cycle of work, spending time with others or whatever else keeps you busy.

But I can keep on going on with how we should discipline our selves with making and spending time with Jesus but I think before to start with that we should look at ourselves and think of discipline in our everyday lives.

Don't you hate correction when you have done something the same way every single day of your life??? It throws you right off and this is one of the things that I really hate! I really hate it when I have done something the same way over and over again and then someone comes to you and tells you a better way of doing something or doing it the "right" way...

But in order to learn, we must "love" discipline. It is something that I have been going through, especially at my work place, but being able to LOVE discipline is so hard!! Love is such a difficult word. It is such a difficult word!

I feel as though before we discipline ourselves to have more Jesus time and reading the Bible and such things, we also need to work on our own disciplines because if we cannot work on ourselves then how would we be able to discipline ourselves with Jesus???

Something I have been thinking about and have been having a hard time with.

Christmas is fake in this world...

Yesterday my mom got me to wrap all of my little sisters gifts. I feel as though this is tradition because every year my mother gets me to wrap gifts for my sisters. I quite enjoy it because on Christmas morning I know which present is which and look to see their reaction when the open the gift. It's quite fun.

Anyway, as I was wrapping my mom was deciding on which presents were from Santa and which ones were from them. When I was a little kid, Santa was a man that I really liked and looked forward to at Christmas time because this man comes into your house and gives you presents. How can you NOT like this guy! Then when I got older, I found out that the jolly big guy is a fake! I was pretty sadden because I was actually tricked by my parents one year when I got to see this guy for the first time and came to my house. Turns out it was a family friend and yeah, I was a confused kid! haha.

So as my mom gave me instruction on what present was from whom I began thinking, why? Why should Christmas be fake? Why is this world allowing children to believe in someone who is not?! It confuses me because when children finally know the truth about the jolly big man its like a travesty!! THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!!! Like how could that even be possible that Santa is not real? He gave me gifts since I could remember and he is not real??

Think about it! We teach our kids that he is real and it is so huge. We know so much about this man and that he works in the North Pole, he has elves working for him, making toys. We send him letters in hopes that he will bring them to us. In December he is all over the place! In the malls and walking about in schools and other areas to bring joy to those little ones. Everyone is happy and joyful. Christmas is a great time because Santa is going to give us everything!! But how can he?? He's fake??

We get all excited and we are so desperately wanting to see him and wanting to know more about him. As a kid I had all kinds of questions that I wanted to ask him. I would write letters to him and ask a question like, "What do you feed your reindeer? Mom and dad tell me that you feed them carrots! Is that true??" Of course not because Santa is not real!

And so we all are attracted to the fake Christmas, but what about the real Christmas??? Shouldn't we be wanting to know more about the Saviour who was born to die on the cross to take away our sins? Why is it that kids know more about Santa and have so many questions and desire to know him more than Jesus??

Its crazy because should we have a desire to know the real part? Shouldn't we have a desire to seek the real and not the fake? Shouldn't this world come to understand what Christmas is really about?

It's hard to change tradition when everyone is used to doing the same thing every year.

I feel as though as Christians we should do the best we can to get the word out! To tell kids about the realness of Christmas and not the fake. For them to believe in a man who is born to die on this earth to take our sins away. For them to have a desire to know more about Him and to know that He gives everything that we need. For them to know that He loves them so much and is passionate, kind and brings joy!

Sure its fun when Santa comes but as you grow older, he is not real and brings devastation to some children and is never there for you when Jesus is there all the time, He loves you and will never leave you!

I just thought it was sad this Christmas when my little sister knew more about Santa than Jesus. Hard for me to think that in a couple of years she will actually know that Christmas is fake and that Santa will be no more...

Just a thought I would like to share. Some of you may already feel this and think this, some of you may not even had thought of this. I just would like to try and make it my goal that Christmas is not all about Santa. That we should do the best we can to get the name of our Saviour, Jesus Christ, out into this world and allow people to be curious, have a desire and wanting to know Him more and to follow Him.

Much Love